Welcome to Chris-mas in July, a week-long celebration of our four favorite Hollywood Chrises. We’ll be analyzing old movies, digging deep into past roles, and exploring everything there is to know about Evans, Hemsworth, Pine and Pratt. We hope this totally made up holiday makes you smile.
We at Mashable love us a Chris. In fact, we love the Chrises almost too much.
When it comes to celebrating Chris-mas in July, it was nearly impossible to settle on which Chris was the best Chris to honor on this wonderful holiday. Read our passionate defenses of each Chris and vote below.
Please. It’s tearing the office apart.
Chris Hemsworth brings me joy on the internet every single day. To me, he’s like a big golden retriever puppy and I don’t want anyone who knows him personally to tell me otherwise.
In my mind’s eye, every moment of his life he is jumping rope with his family, or using his giant body to hold a teeny tiny little baby, or “seductively” (?) dancing with kiddos to almost-sister-in-law Miley Cyrus’ greatest hits (gotta put that Dancing With the Stars background to use somehow!)
Sure, he’s a great action star. In Thor: Ragnarok he brings more humor to the part than anyone previously expected, and we’re all better for it. He managed to more than hold his own in Ghostbusters opposite some of comedy’s biggest hitters. He was a goofy good sport in Vacation even though the part was one note (employing some literal BDE before we were using that term). I’m sure he’s a great romantic lead too, except for some insane reason Hollywood hasn’t cast him in a rom-com yet. But I digress.
We aren’t determining who the best capital-A Actor of the bunch is, nay, what we’re analyzing is far more subjective than that. And that’s why I’d like to submit into evidence a little Saturday Night Live sketch titled “Brunch” from 2015.
It is not an exaggeration to say that this is one of my favorite videos on the internet. I regularly make co-workers watch it. It is the perfect encapsulation of a hunky actor dude being goofy and self-deprecating. Many have attempted this tightrope walk; few have succeeded. I understand that getting me to think that he was just a big goof was the point of the sketch and why he agreed to do it in the first place. I don’t care!
In conclusion, I think it would be fun to solve a mystery with Chris Hemsworth and/or go on a picnic with him. Thank you for your time. – Erin Strecker
If “The Chris Awards” were a thing, Chris Pratt would be a shoe-in for most adorable Chris.
This is Andy Dwyer, folks. ANDY DWYER. The lovable, good-hearted idiot who anchors more than a few of the best Parks and Recreation episodes. That was my first exposure to the big lug, and I’ve been a Pratt stan ever since.
Pratt is also the everyman Chris. Evans, Hemsworth, and Pine are all extremely beautiful, well-kept men. There’s nothing wrong with that; it’s just not Pratt’s style. He’s a man who is clearly ready to embrace his future dadbod.
And hey! Pratt is the funniest Chris. His body of work as Andy Dwyer and Peter Quill speaks for itself. Don’t forget he was also Emmet Brickowski, the lovably clueless star of The Lego Movie. His quest to become something more than an ordinary Lego dude is filled with great jokes.
Evans and Hemsworth have both proven they can be funny fellows, as Captain America and Thor, respectively. Pine also managed to bring some acidic wit to his turn as Captain James T. Kirk in the Abramsverse Star Trek movies.
So yes, the other Chrises have had their moments. But they’re still figuring things out, whereas comedy is Pratt’s wheelhouse. It’s really no contest: He was born to make people laugh.
I could go on and on, but let’s try to wrap things up here. Pratt is the best Chris because he’s the one I think most people would prefer to have a beer with. He seems like the most approachable and grounded of the Chrises, while still possessing all those other important qualities — likability, chill dude-ness, overall hotness — that go into defining a top-tier Chris. – Adam Rosenberg
Members of the jury, the job you have been asked to do is not an easy one. To look into your hearts and truly answer which Chris is best—this is a task many would shy away from. But not you. Because you know, deep down, the answer has been in front of you all along.
During the course of this trial, I ask you to remember three things: the talent, the voice, and the eyes. Each Chris fandom claims their Chris is a perfect ten. But, I am confident that when you evaluate all of the evidence you will agree: For a man above a nine, you must pick Chris Pine.
First, it is indisputable that Chris Pine has had the most diverse array of roles out of any Chris—proving his talent knows few limits. Pine has stolen our hearts as the iconic James T. Kirk of Star Trek, the eerily charming prince of Into the Woods, the rugged bank robbing brother of Hell or High Water, the spy/fighter pilot Steve Trevor of Wonder Woman, and a scene stealer in so many other fantastic films. Meanwhile, Hemsworth and Evans’ IMDB pages are plagued by a litany of films that showcase their monotonous ability to play the same two-dimensional characters for years on end. (One could argue that Pratt might be able to best Pine in this category, but his involvement in the horrendous Passengers has disqualified him from consideration.)
Second: the voice. Prince, Timberlake, Bowie, Sinatra, Pine. Every true heartthrob has wooed their audience through song. And while Hemsworth, Evans, and Pratt have all tried to prove their vocal chops through , , and , Chris Pine is clearly the most musically gifted of the group. His appearance in the Academy Award-winning Into The Woods was lauded by many. And his musical SNL monologue bested Pratt’s while remaining humorously self-aware, pointing out the magic that is the .
Lastly, they say the eyes are the windows to the soul. If that is true, then Chris Pine is a saint. When it comes time to deliberate, I ask you to see past the chiseled muscles and sharp jawlines that all four Chrises have in spades—and instead turn your attention to the eyes. Pine’s baby blue optic oceans are this case’s smoking gun. Because if these eyes are anything, it’s killer.
This has been a tough argument to make. Each Chris has given us so much. And yet, I am confident that after reviewing every exhibit in today’s case, you will agree with me that only one Chris has reached perfection, an absolute ten. I remind you, members of the jury: For a Chris above nine, you must pick Pine. Thank you for your service. – Ali Foreman
Chris Evans is a reluctant Chris, which makes him the best Chris. Where some celebrities seem born to live in the spotlight and leverage their physical and mental gifts for the wide-reaching privileges of fame, Chris Evans stands out as an A-List talent who, at any given moment, would rather be at home with his dog. Red carpet events give him anxiety. Personal questions make him squirm. He’s a relatable angel and he’s very nervous. Be nice to Chris Evans.
You can tell that Chris Evans has a heart of gold because even in the Hollywood rumor machine, the worst anyone has to say about the guy is that he rolls machine-perfect spliffs. He was once pressured to reveal publicly that he used to sing Neil Diamond songs to help his little brother get to sleep. In a famous GQ profile, an anecdote about a reporter who got drunk at his house and climbed out a window ends with Chris Evans venturing into the night to find her and offering his guest bedroom so she could sleep it off.
In a world of trash men, Chris Evans is trashless, or at least smart enough to hide his trash somewhere nobody will ever find it.
His often-discussed social anxiety points to a man who is hyper-aware of how fucked up and scary fame is, and it’s refreshing to see a star of his caliber struggle so awkwardly with the monkey-paw transaction that granted him his place among the stars.
Of course, part of the appeal of Evans as an introspective neurotic is because it contrasts so wildly with the expected aesthetic of The Movie Star, a concept he dwells within but actively rejects. He is tall and handsome, and so well-proportioned that it’s like looking like a person who is also, somehow, math. His shoulders are so wide and his waist so small that Tumblr refers to him as “The Dorito,” which…yes, he is shaped like a corn chip. A sexy, sexy corn chip.
But even in his undeniable surface-level beauty, Evans resists! He’s spoken on podcasts about not feeling like he is attractive and disappointing fans who don’t believe that he plays Captain America. “That guy’s bigger, he’s taller, he’s better looking,” he said in reference to Cap, and joked that the only advantage of feeling less impressive than his hero alter-ego is that is helps him blend into crowds.
If this great-looking motherfucker is as easily frazzled and nervous as the rest of us, it absolves him of some of the other, uglier traits that come with franchise stars. He’s still a rich, handsome guy with the means to do literally anything he wants for the rest of his life, but he comes across as self-aware enough to be a little embarrassed about it.
Chris Evans is the Chris who didn’t want to be a Chris. His reluctance, his anxiety, and his beauty make him the realest Chris. The Anxious Avenger. The really, really sweet guy who deserves to take a very long nap. The most human Chris. The Best Chris. – Alexis Nedd
If you enjoyed our content, we'd really appreciate some "love" with a share or two.
And ... Don't forget to have fun!